Two Are Better Than One

My inspiration to write comes from hearing people.  

I heard a friend say with disappointment the other day, "My husband always talks about living his dream but he never moves his feet."  

I could probably sit down and tell this woman how she holds the power to her husband's future but she will likely always blame him for being mediocre having removed herself from the equation.  She will listen to his sad stories and let it be a reminder of what a looser she married.  

Truth be told, us wives are placed on this earth to fulfill a purpose.  To be a help meet to our husbands.  Some women will reject God's word by never embracing this position because it is too degrading in our minds to be in this kind of subordinate position.  Then there will be some who convince themselves that they are living this role even when they aren't.  Some of us have willing hearts but will never quite understand what it looks like.  The truth about being a help meet is that if God said it, He meant it.  

"And the Lord God said it is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him an help meet for him"  Genesis 2:18

Here is my question to you, help meet.  How are you helping your husband get to his goals in life?

Let's look at the following scenarios: 

I know a woman from the city.  Her husband's dream is to have a ranch.  Her dream is to have a house in the city with a little yard and a career.  She really doesn't like the outdoors.  A ranch is not her dream in life and she believes if she follows his dreams, she will be unhappy.  She thinks turning in her high heels for a 4x4 truck and dirt roads spells disaster.  She wonders if she married the wrong man.  She feels unhappy in her marriage and thinks if she can just find some personal happiness in life, she can make it through.  Her husband talks about his ranch dream to her and as she listens, she examines a looser who will always complain about his 9-5 never moving his feet.  She will see an incompetent man wasting his money on man toys to keep himself happy.  After feeling much rejection and disappointment, he just stops sharing his thoughts with her. She believes he doesn't have what it takes to run a ranch.  Maybe she would have more confidence in him if he would show her something to make her believe in him.  He believes if he pursued his ranch dream, he would have to drag her along complaining all the way.  He wonders if his dream was stupid to begin with. He finds a hobby away from her keeping himself entertained in the meantime blowing his money on man toys to give himself a little temporary happiness.  He has no real dream for the future anymore just living day by day. He wonders if he married the wrong woman because they are not alike. He can't explain the dissatisfaction he feels in life and he doesn't know how to fix it.  She can't explain the dissatisfaction she feels in life.  

Let's examine this:

I know a woman from the city.  Her husband's dream is to have a ranch.  Her dream is to have a house in the city with a little yard and a career because she really doesn't like the outdoors.  A ranch is not her dream in life but she wants to obey God's word.  She knows he can't do it on his own because he has a full time job where he is overworked.  She listens to him complain about his job and talk about his dreams and wonders how she can help him get to his full potential in life.  The two different dreams can't exist together so she decides to surrender her high heels and her dreams of a clean fancy car for dirt roads and a 4x4 truck.  But she doesn't stop there.  She wonders why this type of life would appeal to him.  She reads books and learns about animals, farming, and gardening.  As her knowledge grows, she begins to realize there is wisdom in her husband's dreams.  She no longer feels like a martyr. She pursues volunteering herself and her kids helping on farms to get hands on experience.  She plans and talks to him about the things she's learned and gives him ideas.  As he looks around, he sees his biggest cheerleader and a ranch hand team formed.  All he needs now is the ranch.  He begins to realize that his dreams are attainable because he has a capable helpmeet.  So he works hard to save his money to get that ranch, no longer wasting it on man toys to keep him happy because he can see his goal in sight.  

She always thought that reaching her dreams would make her happy.  But she obeyed God's word anyway despite herself and He proved to be right all along.  She has access to her husbands innermost thoughts which she has longed for always.  They are a team of one.  She is happy and fulfilled.  That career she wanted does not compare to the gratification in life she has now.    

Who would've thunk it?               

Molding Him Into Your Own Image

Can we justify walking out on our husbands because we have judged their spiritual condition?  Or can a mere man accurately judge a man's heart?  

I don't come to you professing to be wise but only hoping to share the love that saved my marriage.  

How many times do we-as women-take a good long look at our husbands and decide we need to change them?  We have ideas of what we would like them to be and we work towards "helping" them to become better.  We constantly look for a sign of good works that proves they are spiritually in good condition.  If they don't, we fear they are slipping away from God.  

We developed ideas of how a Godly man is supposed to look.  Most of them from conversations of fellow church wives boasting of their husbands good deeds.  How many times have we heard Susie or Sally say, "my husband and I do devotions and pray together every night."  The thought begins to creep up in your mind, 'My husband doesn't pray with me.  He doesn't read the Bible with me.  He doesn't do the things Susie and Sally say.  My husband must be in spiritual grave danger.'.

The first thing we do is begin to ask, "Can we do Bible study on Monday's?"  By your suggestions, he begins to conform to the image you have in your mind of corporate study in the home. When he fails to report on Monday night because he had to work late, you begin to fret and worry that he doesn't have concern for the family, you, or God.  And so the pushing and the molding continues until he is being choked into your own image.  What will that kind of religion do for your husband?    

All of this came from an idea of what Susie and Sally say their husbands are like.  Do we not know that the Bible warns us about this very thing?  "For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves; but they-measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, -ARE NOT WISE" II Cor 10:12

The adage is true: "Expectations will ruin a marriage."  

What does the Bible say?  And if they (wives) will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church." I Cor 14:35   Have you considered the literal and practical application of this passage or have you been wooed by the deceit of  some theological explanation?  Do you go to your girlfriends or women's Bible studies to get your Bible questions answered? Maybe the internet?  Or have you ever considered asking your husband what something means from the Bible?   It might look like this, "Hey honey, I was reading in Romans chapter 1 and I don't get this part.  What do you think it means?"  If you have never considered this because you think your husband isn't spiritual enough or is ignorant-then today is the day to turn it around.  God is pretty clear on this. Consider the weight of the responsibility to obey this scripture and the protection God provides to you because of it.   

We know that Jesus taught us not to broadcast our good deeds.  "But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth; That thine alms may be in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly." Matthew 6:3-4  

Could it be true that your husband doesn't declare his daily good deeds to you?  

Does he not pray with you?  Consider the words of Jesus: "But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly." Matthew 6;6

Could he be obeying this scripture?  

Could we take a moment to consider that if we are sitting in this seat of judgment towards our husband, we could be on God's indictment sheet as self righteous?  

The truth is that: "the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance." (Romans 2:4) We have never had the job of being our husband's conscience.  And we know that the goodness of God is the only thing that changes people. Are you an extension to your husband of God's goodness?  Or are you an overbearing presence? 

We know that we are not justified by God according to our own works. 

Did God ask us to follow the law before we can receive salvation and grace from Him? No.  He died to save us because we didn't keep it.   

So who would we be to judge our husbands by their works and not their faith in God?  Does even God do that?   "For if Abraham were justified by works, he hath whereof to glory; but not before God. For what saith the scripture? Abraham believed God, and it was counted unto him for righteousness. Now to him that worketh is the reward not reckoned of grace, but of debt.  But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justified the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness."  Romans 4:2-5  

What changed my life-and ultimately my marriage-was God's goodness extended to me on display in my husband.  And what did he do?  He extended goodness to me when I didn't deserve it.  When I was cheating-he didn't condemn or blame me.  He took the blame for my actions.  He didn't ask for me to show a change through my works, he loved me right where I was. His goodness brought me to repentance before him and ultimately before God.  

Isn't that what Jesus did for us?  

"But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days saith the Lord, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people." Jeremiah 31:33